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Well we've got favourite statistics quotes. What about statistics jokes?

So, what's your favourite statistics joke?

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I made this community wiki as there is no correct answer. – Rob Hyndman Aug 6 '10 at 2:44
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It probably makes sense to leave cartoons in this question: stats.stackexchange.com/questions/423/… – Jeromy Anglim Aug 8 '10 at 11:49
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This is a popular and much-loved thread, even though it does not (on the face of it) seem to conform to SE standards for content. (Just what practical question is being asked here? :-) Some rules benefit from being ... bent ... once in a while. However, please don't use the existence of this thread to justify creating new ones that fall outside our guidelines unless you think there is a very good reason to do so! Questions about site policy are always appropriate in Meta and debate is warmly welcomed in chat. – whuber♦ Jan 24 '12 at 15:34

40 Answers

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up vote 3 down vote

The statistician wonders if they analyse things too much... Or maybe not enough..?

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Statistics Movies that Never Made it to the Big Screen

There is a nice list here:

http://www.tealdragon.net/humor/lists/statmves.htm

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Statisticians get paid to make errors.

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“If your head is in the freezer and your feet are in the oven, on average you’re comfortable.”

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A query walks up to two tables in a bar and says..... "Mind if I join you?"

Groan! :-)

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up vote 0 down vote

Q. Lawyers and doctors have specific ethical obligations that others don’t have. Some financial/investment roles have a fiduciary responsibility that goes beyond merely not stealing the money, but includes the notion of stewardship.

Does a statistician have a duty to “stop and render aid” if she sees a statistical casualty?

A: Yes, but only 5% of the time.

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up vote 0 down vote

A few funniest jokes on statistics:

1) Professor: "You have only 15 minutes to plot the bi-variate distribution between A and B, 15 minutes to compute correlation and 5 seconds to compute the kurtosis of B."

Students: "Only 5 seconds???"

Professor: "Don't worry, it takes only a moment!" ;D

2) Have you ever thought, In China, if you are the one out of million kind of guys, there are still thousands like you!!

3) Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital!

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There are two types of economists:

  • those who don't know how to forecast interest rates
  • and those who think they know how to forecast interest rates
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Two statisticians went duck hunting. A duck flew overhead and one statistician fired just to the right of the bird. The other statistician fired just to the left of the bird. They turned to each other in glee, and congratulated each other... "On average, he's dead!", they cried! The duck continued his migration.

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A man and a woman asked, what is the probability that he/she went out into the street, meet a dinosaur.

Man begins to count and, finally, gives his version: "Taking into account all the possible factors - zero point three trillion.

She also meets once: "Fifty-fifty. "Why?" - Say it. "It's very simple: either meeting or not meeting."

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