There are already several good answers posted (as well as one in the comments). My goal here is not to replicate those answers, but rather to try and address an apparent confusion about the "definition of variance".
In your question you say
It seems the variance and standard deviation tacitly ASSUME an a priori normal distribution around an unspecified or unknown order -- but a flat "curve" with no other hidden variables has no variance.
And in the answer you posted, you say
The answer should be (ahem: is) 0. Apparently the equations for variance assume another unknown variable (another dimension) affecting results.
If we call the value of a die roll $x$, then the random variable $x$ will have a discrete uniform distribution. That is, if we denote the probability mass function (PMF) of $x$ by $p[k]\equiv\Pr[x=k]$, then we have $p[k]=\frac{1}{K}$, where $K$ is the number of distinct values $k$ can take (i.e. here $K=6$).
Independent of the form of the probability distribution, the mean $\mu$ and variance $\sigma^2$ are always defined in terms of expectations. These definitions are
$$
\mu_x\equiv\mathbb{E}[x] \,,\, \sigma^2_x\equiv\mathbb{E}\left[(x-\mu_x)^2\right]
$$
(e.g. see Wikipedia).
For a discrete random variable such as $x\in\{X_1,\ldots,X_K\}$ with PMF $p[X_k]\equiv\Pr[x=X_k]$, the expectation operator $\mathbb{E}[\,]$ is defined by
$$
\mathbb{E}\big[f[x]\big]\equiv\sum_{k=1}^Kf[X_k]p[X_k]
$$
where $f[\,]$ is any deterministic function.
Your confusion appears to be related to this last part. For the mean $\mu$ you appear to be correctly using $f[x]=x$. However, for the variance you appear to be using $f[x]=p[x]$, i.e. the PMF of $x$.
Perhaps the following summary will make things more clear
\begin{array} {c|c|c}
\text{object }(f) & \text{mean }(\mu_f) & \text{variance }(\sigma_f^2) \\
\hline
x & \frac{7}{2} & \frac{105}{36} \\
p[x] = \frac{1}{6} & \frac{1}{6} & 0
\end{array}
In other words, the probability distribution $p[x]$ has zero variance, but the die value $x$ certainly has non-zero variance.
self-study
; please see its tag wiki $\endgroup$